NOTHING BUT THE GEORGE

 A wise man once told me “Never pass up an opportunity to pee.” Many Soldiers I served with wisely stated, “Better p***, time to move out!” Truth be told, there are a lot of wise men and Old Soldiers who told me this.  It is, perhaps, the one thing I haven’t learned.  I’m reminded of the Southern Maid ‘No Burn’ bacon commercials, where one guy remarked to the audience “He’ll never learn” (pronounced like Hee-uhl Nevah Lurnnn) IYKYK Anyhow, back to my Lima bean sized bladder.  I’ve recently determined that my life can be broken down into two distinct categories. 1) Holding my pee and B) Peeing.  At this point I really should clean this up a little and refer to the process as tying my shoes.  This is how my longtime friend, mentor, trumpet player  and illegitimate Father Larry McClendon refers to it. It’s discreet, non offensive and has a tone of elegance and sophistication, which I do not possess.  To quote Bill Shakethespear; “It is better to tie ...

  Satchel Paige Fisher 18 Oct 2016-2 June 2025 Satchel Paige Fisher, 8.5 years of age, crossed over Rainbow Bridge on Monday, June 2nd, 2025, after a short illness. Satchel wasn’t trained, never attended obedience school, didn’t fetch, didn’t mind, didn’t share the covers, and didn’t let you eat in peace. What he did do was change our lives for the better. We loved him and he loved us back—unconditionally, as long as he got his way. He chewed up a couch, a pair of reading glasses, and two pairs of house-shoes as a puppy, but as he grew up was able to manifest his pent up energy into food consumption, his favorite pastime. His favorite meal (also his last) was a Wendy’s Baconator (no bun) and a Frosty. Satchel was a purveyor of fine dog treats, hot dogs, various sandwich meats, ginger snaps, and Frosted Pop Tarts, which had to be placed in the middle cabinet out of reach of his jowls and manhole cover sized paws. Additionally, he ate dog food. His other hobbies included chasing bicy...

 " These are the times that try men souls. ” (Thomas Haynes, wearer of underdrawers)   Todays topic transcends politics , unidentified flying drones, the status of NIL Lamborghini driving College Football players,   o r the  age-old problem of “ What’s  for Supper?” I speak from a place we all know and hold close, and that’s underwear.  (As for undershirts and socks, this  doesn’t  include you. I will address you at another date) .  To be specific, I mean  underpants. What  my Old Man  refer red  to as  ‘ drawers ’ .   In Southern  English  its pronounced ‘draws’. The  Scientific community and other learned multitudes , for example, may categorize by Genus and Species, e.g. , Ubi , Brevi s (briefs) ,  or Ubi  Pugil ( Boxer), or even Ubi Femoralia (drawers),  but  if you say “Draws” most folks know what you mean. Another Genus and Speci e example would be Genus: Co-Cola Species: ...

  Dear Mary Elizabeth     ‘Emi’ Rose—- We waited on your arrival as long as we waited on your Momma and Daddy to name you—it had gotten to the point of hoping you would have a name by the time you start school. Young People like your Parents don’t react as quick as us old folks do. We would have named you 25 times by now.    We had to hang the name of ‘Quatro’ on you for a time before you arrived---you are our 4thgrandchild, you see. But they announced that wonderful name and like you, it was perfect in every way.  It is a beautiful name, but don’t plan on me using it. I will call you something different because I’m crazy that way---3 kids and now 4 grandkids and I have NEVER called any of them by their name unless I had too.  But a little more on this name thing, bear with me— As your Paternal Grandfather , I must insist that you call me George-just cause. I cant abide by Paw Paw, Pee Paw, Peepad, Doo-wop, Doodah, G-Daddy or any of the other Grandpare...

Our Son Joe, along with his  best girl Johnna, are about to become Parents for the first time. “Any day now”, as the saying goes. Actually the due date is today, the 9th of October. Looks like the baby (a girl to be named hopefully before she begins grade school) will overshoot this due date by a few days, but we don’t know since BabygirlFish hasn’t let anyone know yet. Regardless, I found it incumbent upon me, based on lessons gleaned from  my three previous tax deductions (nobody ever told me what to do or how to act during the birthing of babies); to wit—I felt obliged to provide the following advice at no charge: 1. Keep your mouth shut unless you are specifically requested to help/assist by Johnna. Do not speak unless spoken to. Eyes, ears are open and mouth remains closed. Sneezing coughing, loud breathing, humming or the emission of any sounds to include clearing of throat should be performed only in case of in emergency. Compliance is key!  2.   It is normal ...