NOTHING BUT THE GEORGE

 George, along with his partner —Macons fabulous hound dog Satchel, starring in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed home life –tonight’s episode: The Failing Fish Tank Matter The headlines might have read “Failing Fish Tank at Fish Food Farms causes Mr. Fisher to lose sleep with threat of being flattened by Mrs. Fisher and her tire tool..” It was bedtime for George. Or close enough until bedtime that I had become one with the recliner. Actually, it’s a love seat. Satchel and I love each other and we both anchor it down as much as Kirk and Spock anchor down the Bridge of the Enterprise.  Our nightly ritual, in fact, our only remaining task was to go out one last time to water the grass, if you know what I mean. Wifey Shugaluvs (SL) had been on the phone with the first born, which is all well and fine and SL normally accomplishes this from the Adirondack chair on the back porch because she knows that both television and conversation at the same time driv...

(My phone rings- it’s Shugaluvs) Me: (panicked because she’s calling me from upstairs and I’m in the basement)- “What’s wrong?!?” SL: “I need you to get the umbrella the wind got it and it’s flying thru the backyard-HURRY !” Me: “Where you at can’t you get it?!?” SL: “YOURE CLOSER!” (Call terminated).  Satchel, my trusty companion, upon seeing me high tail it for the basement door,  starts to bark.  The umbrella has released itself from its moorings. Full of wind and aided by gusts from 15-200 mph it has become a kite, dancing upon the footless halls of air with its staff slicing the air like a saber.  Looking for the right moment to tackle the umbrella and not get my head sliced off, I await until the umbrella is on its side and seize upon it, grabbing the staff as if it were a rattlesnakes head. I had not reckoned with the umbrella itself, nor the wind, as their combined efforts had me holding a chute which was now inside out. Attempts to correct this resulted in f...