NOTHING BUT THE GEORGE

  Things you can 100% depend on: Grabbing a buggy with a bad wheel at Wal-Mart. Reaching into the miniature Hershey’s candy bar bag thinking you will get a Hershey Bar but always get a Krackle.  4.3 seconds after sitting down you realize you need to get back up to go do whatever task that had gotten you out of your seat to begin with.  Whenever you say “please remind me the next time(insert whatever reminder you need here) you aren’t going to remember it nor will you be reminded-so write it down so you can say damnit I left my list on the table at home. The minute you are working on a project that requires both hands, your nose or ear will develop an intensive itch that has to be scratched immediately lest you go berserk.  Prolonged periods of laying off sweets will drive normal humans to such indescribable acts of lunacy and deceit just to get hospital jello. The tool you need is not the tool you have nor is it the tool thought you had. Go to Lowes and buy what you ...

If I Write a Book…  The first thing I should do is give it a good title. Over the years I have thought of and had suggested to me several good ones. “ I was born at a very young age”, or “George 101: a laymen’s guide to living with a perpetually kicked groin.” My book should include all my heroes and influences growing up, my love for baseball, and a bonus self-help section where I share my secrets and techniques in pursuit and capture of the opposite sex. By implementing and dispatching these techniques with great prejudice, I convinced Shugaluvs to marry me. It’s a gift, not unlike my propensity to use and even bask in four letter words. My ancestors not only invented the bad word they integrated it into the daily fabric and lifestyle of being a Fisher. Knowing when to turn it in and off is key, and If I wrote a book this would require many pages and possibly a how to video.  My old man said that the Fisher family raised hell the first half of their life and if they survived...

  Are These Seats Taken? Preface. With few exceptions,  I am normally compatible with old people. The exceptions are when it is old people day at the grocery store, where they cease being old  and start being evil, pillaging and running into and over innocent folks in order to get to the Entenmanns pastries.   Tonight we went to the Macon Bacon game. Shugaluvs and I have had season tickets since it’s inaugural season. We love it. It’s great baseball played in the greatest little ball yard you ever saw. Anyone that’s been around me for 5 minutes knows my love for the hallowed ground of Luther Williams Field.  Anyhow, Shugaluvs picked out our seats and we get the same ones each year. They’re not really our seats but they’re our seats, you know? We arrived, and did what we normally do- go through the food line, get our food and drink and head to section 205, Row B, seats 14 and 15. OUR SEATS.  As it happened, our seats, which really aren’t ours but which are s...