It Depends

 Things you can 100% depend on:

  1. Grabbing a buggy with a bad wheel at Wal-Mart.
  2. Reaching into the miniature Hershey’s candy bar bag thinking you will get a Hershey Bar but always get a Krackle. 
  3. 4.3 seconds after sitting down you realize you need to get back up to go do whatever task that had gotten you out of your seat to begin with. 
  4. Whenever you say “please remind me the next time(insert whatever reminder you need here) you aren’t going to remember it nor will you be reminded-so write it down so you can say damnit I left my list on the table at home.
  5. The minute you are working on a project that requires both hands, your nose or ear will develop an intensive itch that has to be scratched immediately lest you go berserk. 
  6. Prolonged periods of laying off sweets will drive normal humans to such indescribable acts of lunacy and deceit just to get hospital jello.
  7. The tool you need is not the tool you have nor is it the tool thought you had. Go to Lowes and buy what you need so that 6 months from now the tool you need may or may not not be the tool you previously had but now can’t find. 
  8. When you tell your wife that t won’t be too hard to do you can bet your hat and ass both that you’ll love to regret those words. 
  9. When you ask: Is there any (insert food here) left? The answer is no. Always no. Forever and ever.  No. 
  10. Unconditional love from your hound dog is conditional and depends on snacks. 

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