NOTHING BUT THE GEORGE

I just saw a commercial advertising an electronic stair lift that you sit in that takes you to the top or bottom of your stairs. The commercial uses fake old folks actors, and you know they’re fake because they are all happy and grinning like opossums while they make the automated trek up the staircase.  What is annoying to me is the speed, or lack thereof, by which the senior citizen ascends the stairs. They could literally crawl, fall, stop, drop, and roll up (or down) those stairs faster.  I know not what course others may take, but I’d want to ascend or descend those steps at a faster speed than I could using my own power. In fact, since you have to strap yourself in, may as well make it like a carnival ride. Something that startles you, gets that adrenaline flowing or makes you gasp or your stomach flutter. I’m no engineer but something spring loaded or sling shot-esque with an expectation of ‘Hold my beer and watch this’ while landing safely onto or into something to bre...

Weezie and me, that is, Weezie and I—us, have been pretty good about getting our walk in most mornings. I wave at most of the vehicles that drive by not so much as being neighborly but as a thank you for not mowing us down on the way in and out of our neighborhood.  We, that is, Weezie and me (see first sentence above) start off slow. Well, I start off slow and Weezie drags me along for the first few minutes. Her little legs and feet’s walking about 8 steps to my one. I figured my stride is about 2 feet long so that’s 2680 steps for me to walk a mile but that’s 21,000 times the Weeze has to put down her little 4 paws. I’m not sure because math sucks but it’s a lot and that’s that.  Regardless, Weezie was a little more sluggish than usual this morning. She did a lot of extra sniffing starting out and just one minute into our stroll she decided to go potty (numero deuce).  I unrolled one of those doggy poop bags from the leash and did my business to take care of her busines...