More on Cereal
Most everyone knows that I believe Cereal is sacred.
By cereal, I mean the good kind, which is really the bad kind. Since I have more years behind me than I do in front of me, I will eat whatever cereal I desire, which means the good, I mean, the bad kind.
I’ve been asked if I considered high fiber, to which I replied not any more than I’ve considered smoking dope or which restroom I’m supposed to use. Narry a legitimate crusade was ever founded in fiber.
So, Imagine how excited I was to see one of my childhood favorites, Alpha-Bits, in the grocery store the other day!
Me and Alpha-Bits go way back to nearly all of my three score years. They had the best prizes, and of course I could spell most any word while enjoying a bowl. Somewhere along the way Alpha-Bits went extinct, and all I know is I haven’t seen a box in years.
I ate many a bowl of Alpha-Bits at my Grandmothers house, which brings back great memories, and so I had what I thought was a reasonable expectation to relive those when I opened the box.
Well, it was not to be. The road to hell was immediately paved with my great expectations.
In fact, my expectations were bludgeoned to death. And after that, the leftovers from Hell’s highway were used to wipe my behind.
They (the Alpha-Bits) were indistinguishable. I couldn’t make out any letters, and thought that I must have gotten the Alpha-Bits intended for a foreign, non English speaking nation.
I grabbed a handful and laid them out on the table, and here’s what I found: I found an entire box of punctuation. Commas, parentheses, some quotation marks, an accent mark, and maybe a dual use V or L based on which way it’s turned.
Tragic enough there weren’t any prizes inside, I’m used to that. But no recognizable letters other than O, and there's no less than a dozen cereals both good and bad that can be used for O.
Oh the Humanity!
I did what I normally do. I got mad. What in the world are they thinking? How much money do they pay the experts to tell them this cereal will sell? Collectively, the folks at Post have lost their minds.
Not only that, but they didn’t taste the same either. They tasted like a word I would spell IF I had a real box of Alpha-Bits with real letters, not a box of hyphens and semi- colons.
These Alpha Bits are a testament to the messed up world we live in these days, and if I had the power to rename it, I would call them Sunuva-Bits.
It’s a betrayal of quality, a great legacy, and a slap in the face of like minded folks who want more Alpha and less bits. I am convinced that the lot of those in charge of the cereal have been educated beyond their capacity.
At the zenith of my anger, I was able to come up with two words after sorting thru the mess.....(see photo)
So, Imagine how excited I was to see one of my childhood favorites, Alpha-Bits, in the grocery store the other day!
Me and Alpha-Bits go way back to nearly all of my three score years. They had the best prizes, and of course I could spell most any word while enjoying a bowl. Somewhere along the way Alpha-Bits went extinct, and all I know is I haven’t seen a box in years.
I ate many a bowl of Alpha-Bits at my Grandmothers house, which brings back great memories, and so I had what I thought was a reasonable expectation to relive those when I opened the box.
Well, it was not to be. The road to hell was immediately paved with my great expectations.
In fact, my expectations were bludgeoned to death. And after that, the leftovers from Hell’s highway were used to wipe my behind.
They (the Alpha-Bits) were indistinguishable. I couldn’t make out any letters, and thought that I must have gotten the Alpha-Bits intended for a foreign, non English speaking nation.
I grabbed a handful and laid them out on the table, and here’s what I found: I found an entire box of punctuation. Commas, parentheses, some quotation marks, an accent mark, and maybe a dual use V or L based on which way it’s turned.
Tragic enough there weren’t any prizes inside, I’m used to that. But no recognizable letters other than O, and there's no less than a dozen cereals both good and bad that can be used for O.
Oh the Humanity!
I did what I normally do. I got mad. What in the world are they thinking? How much money do they pay the experts to tell them this cereal will sell? Collectively, the folks at Post have lost their minds.
Not only that, but they didn’t taste the same either. They tasted like a word I would spell IF I had a real box of Alpha-Bits with real letters, not a box of hyphens and semi- colons.
These Alpha Bits are a testament to the messed up world we live in these days, and if I had the power to rename it, I would call them Sunuva-Bits.
It’s a betrayal of quality, a great legacy, and a slap in the face of like minded folks who want more Alpha and less bits. I am convinced that the lot of those in charge of the cereal have been educated beyond their capacity.
At the zenith of my anger, I was able to come up with two words after sorting thru the mess.....(see photo)
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