FALL IS IN THE AIR

The cooler temperatures remind me of Fall. Not the season, but my recent one.

Most folks will find this hard to believe, but on some days, my teenaged brain does not synch with my three-score old body, despite my calcium induced strong bones (I’m a big milk drinker), my youthful personality and good looks.

Whereas I used to be 10 feet tall and bulletproof, able to stand up inside a coke bottle I am now barely 5’8”, pee a lot, and am offset by a pear shape body supported on debutante ankles—however, I aint going peacefully.

And it came to pass that I had some fluorescent lights to install in the drop ceiling in our basement recently, and after having delayed for some time, I grabbed my ladder, tools, and started my task in earnest. The removal of the old light (2’x 4’) was a bit cumbersome-the drop ceiling is 8 ft while working from the 6 ft ladder, but I was able to swap the old and new with quick dispatch. “Piece of cake”, I said, almost out loud. Here I was, working safely, efficiently, and in proper sequence, giving myself props for having everything I needed at arm’s reach. Why, I had even turned the power off at the fuse box to prevent shocking myself. I was giddy at the thought of not having conducted a 20-minute scavenger hunt to locate everything beforehand. The planets had aligned; verily, the ‘Honey-Do’ Gods had found favor in me.

I had to finesse the light into the recess of the ceiling, which took some effort, but nothing out of the ordinary grunting and groaning. My ladder was off center by about a foot that I needed to better leverage the light into the recess, so I compensated for the deficit by stepping up to the next rung of the ladder. This basically had my upper body above the ceiling and the rest of me below. This almost allowed me to move the fixture to the right spot. What resulted was I leaned over too far allowing the ladder to leave me, and me it.

It happened an in instant, and not only did I fall, but I also fell flat of my back and butt onto the non-cushioned plank covering the concrete floor. I mean, I didn’t even have the reflex to throw my arms out to break my fall. I have never hit or been hit that hard in my life. In the instant it took for me to hit the ground I could feel all the air exit my body, yet I hear myself scream out in pain. Somewhere in the fracas two chairs and a barstool were knocked over. Had I the reflexes or awareness I had even a decade earlier, I would have merely landed on both feet and maybe throw a cussing fit.

My first reaction was that I had really done it this time! I had totaled a couple cars in wrecks, had a knockdown drag out with an airbag, served in a combat zone, ate liver, and lived. And here I was about to do myself in right here at home!

I couldn’t move, nor did I want to. As quickly as I realized I fell, I got scared. I’m talking fraidy cat the boogerman is under my bed scared and only thing I could do was summon the one entity that would help me. While I’m sure the Lord looked after me, I didn’t holler for him, I hollered for Shugaluvs. Fortunately for me, she was on the back porch scrolling through her phone. As loud as I could, I yelled (screamed) SUE! A few seconds later I heard her coming down the stairs, along with Satchel and DollyP.

Still flat of my back, both Satchel and DollyP instinctively know something is wrong and are licking my face. Shugaluvs took inventory of me and then gingerly got me off the floor. Although still hurting, but having gotten my breath and some of my senses back, I was able to move around a bit to see if anything appeared to be worse than it was, and I made it back to the recliner a few minutes later. We decided to wait and see how I might feel in a little while as to proceed to the Emergency room or perhaps the morgue. As it happened, we went to the Urgent Care the following morning at the Orthopedic Center, where the X Ray revealed a hairline fracture of the sacrum (right above the tailbone). No Argument from me.

Still sore and bruised, yet having gotten over the initial scare, I asked Sue had she heard me yell for help after I fell, because it seemed to have taken a minute longer than I would have liked for her arrival.

She said, “Yeah I heard a big crash and yelling, but I thought it was just you behaving like you normally do when you work on something.”

Epilogue- Fast forward about 8 weeks, and a follow up MRI confirmed a fracture of my T12. The things you learn according to the diagram is L=Lumbar, C=Cervical, and T=Thoracic. Who knew? 

P.S. I finished installing the lights, and If I said I was careful on the ladder that would be an understatement.

P.P.S I’m calling someone to clean the gutters on the house.