NOTHING BUT THE GEORGE

I’m washing the windows.  I asked Shugaluvs if there was something I could do to help and she said “ Do you want to help or are you looking for something to do?” (Trick question. Any answer you give you lose). ME: “Well I ain’t really looking for anything to do but…” SHUGALUVS: "I need the windows cleaned."    But let’s start at the beginning, shall we?   It was Saturday before last. A good Saturday with rest and relaxation on my schedule. Some piddling, yes, as always, but no major toil.  SHUGALUVS: “George, will you do me a favor?” ME: “Most certainly, my Leibchen. (Leibchen is German for Shugaluv)-- How mighteth I pleaseth thee? Please counteth the ways”, I state thru clenched teeth, sensing impending doom. Shugaluvs: “Would you please clean the light globes in the kitchen? Me: “Thou hath sayeth—-it shall be done, my liege!”   I unscrew the rings that hold the globes in place, delicately AND with an overabundance of caution and tender loving care I wash ...

Sitting on the front porch rocker just the other day, when a kid came by riding his bicycle. From my view, he appeared to be wearing a helmet, elbow and knee pads. Then I noticed approximately 20 feet behind him an automobile-- his Momma, obviously the kids wingman, was following behind him in her car with the hazard lights flashing. This explained all the safety gear. Boy, the times sure have changed. We rode our bikes with reckless abandon, as if we had just stolen them; alas, it was our first set of wheels and freedom! The way we did it was like this: First, you had to be dressed accordingly: barefooted, shirtless, and wearing shorts. Ball caps were optional. There were two type of crashes--planned and unplanned. These were the halcyon days of Evel Knievel so there were a lot of deliberate on purpose (planned) bike jumps that resulted in crashes. The unplanned were more severe, because you had less preparation time. Regardless of the type, you end up bleeding from damn near everywh...

I have thought long and hard about even posting anything. It is a most personal subject, so I will attempt to not get into the bowels of the subject. Here's the thing for us over 50 crowd and if you visit a doctor on a yearly basis. We have all been there. You are scheduled for a procedure. When a medical professional uses the word 'procedure' our instincts tell us to run like hell. Like an automobile, however, tis better to have regular scheduled maintenance than to wait until something breaks, falls off, or explodes. The 'procedure'  to which I refer takes place below the waist. It requires shoving 60 feet of garden hose into a 5 foot space, an area which is normally an exit. There is also a procedure where basically the same thing is done from above the waist, except they use a different hose. (I must tell this joke: Do you know the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste). For the below the belt procedure, the preparation is worse than the ...

  I love the Old Westerns on TV. Some are really good, and some are really not to my liking. All of them are enjoyable entertainment, and a great way to lose yourself from all the craziness that is in the world these days, even if  these programs begin with the disclaimer— "This program contains outdated cultural depictions. Viewer discretion is advised”. What a crock of fecal depictions. Regardless, last time I checked this is still a free country and I will view my depictions, outdated or otherwise, as I damn well please, thankyouverymuch. Despite having 5,280 other options for viewing, there’s nothing on TV nowadays worth watching. However, I do find that the old reruns of TV westerns are a staple of my viewing. It is a ‘Boot Hill’ a lot of us Boomers (even tail end Boomers like me) will die on. And on that note, lets take an impartial, non-biased and in no particular order, fair look at a few of these programs, shall we?   1.     ...

Our recent Friends weekend was a smashing success, and we pulled out all the stops--it was Devil May Care! Actually there were no stops to pull, as we did what we do best. A most restful and chill out time to decompress. If it were wine or fine spirits we could sum it up with "Hints of roasted nuts, Aqua Velva and testosterone." And speaking of fine spirits, we took with us on our sabbatical a donation from my brother, Bubba. It was his own blend of home brew. Previously, his lab experiments have resulted in exploding corks and bottles, so while being charitable and cautious the spirits were enclosed in a insulated box lest it explode in my car enroute. Uncle Bubbas' small batch nearly bonded Panther Piss, Lube and Rust Remover proved to be a good fit for King Ranch, and he it. But that's another tale for a different day. Part of the experience of a Boys weekend is the culinary aspect. Randy is the cores designated Chef. On every previous excursion we've had, he h...

 "Roll Tape......" Scene: Low Country South Carolina, a Century old House overlooking the Wadmalaw River.... Cast Steve - Harrison Ford Randy - Randy Quaid (Cousin Eddie) George - Don Knotts Clint- (in absentia) The Low country will lower your blood pressure and make you a shade tree philosopher of Divinity in short order. Verily, It is the land of contentment. It is inhaled, eaten, drank, spoken, and felt in ones bone marrow. It makes one say all is well with my soul. And so it goes with Westervelt. As luck would have it, we were fortunate enough to have another great weekend in the Low Country of Coastal South Carolina at our good friend Steve's house, aka Westervelt. As I write this, I know he is still in a state of exhaustion after having put up with Randy and myself. Our other fraternal core member, Clint, could not make it as he is busy with work.  And speaking of order, the quasi-regular meeting of the Core (minus one) came to order at 1530 hours on 25 April 2024, ...

I had a dream last night.....I could hear Momma talking to Daddy.....(oops, wrong song). As it happens, when I  dream, rarely are they pleasant, and more times than not involve snakes and tornadoes. I'm sure there is some deep dark psychosis associated with all of it, but I always awaken before the snake bites or the Tornado blows me off to Oz. One would think that I could dream about pleasant and wonderful things, like pitching in the 7th game of the World Series or being able to fly like Superman. When I do have a dream like that I wake up exhausted. For the record, I prefer to sleep when I sleep. I don't have the time nor the energy to go traipsing off into Hells half acre on some adventure. Life is complicated enough getting up once or twice each night so Satchel and I can do our business.  So, my dream was that Satchel and I were visiting someone who owned a cobra snake. The people lived in a trailer (my subconscious should have had the good sense to wake me up then!) The...