NOTHING BUT THE GEORGE

  Most everyone knows that I believe Cereal is sacred. By cereal, I mean the good kind, which is really the bad kind. Since I have more years behind me than I do in front of me, I will eat whatever cereal I desire, which means the good, I mean, the bad kind.  I’ve been asked if I considered high fiber, to which I replied not any more than I’ve considered smoking dope or which restroom I’m supposed to use. Narry a  legitimate crusade was ever founded in fiber. So, Imagine how excited I was to see one of my childhood favorites, Alpha-Bits, in the grocery store the other day!  Me and Alpha-Bits go way back to nearly all of my three score years. They had the best prizes, and of course I could spell most any word while enjoying a bowl. Somewhere along the way Alpha-Bits went extinct, and all  I know is I haven’t seen a box in years. I ate many a bowl of Alpha-Bits at my Grandmothers house, which brings back great memories, and so I had what I thought was a reasonable...

My Mother in Law, Rosemary Pratts, enjoyed the Royal family and all it entailed, especially the pomp and circumstance. She knew how each puzzle piece fit and who was next in line, out of line and well aligned. Alignment matters in the house of the Royals— like chickens, there’s a pecking order.  Anyhow, Rose and Shugaluvs had watched the nuptials of both Charles and Diana, Andrew and Fergie, and Diana’s funeral together. They bonded over many things, but this was definitely in the top 10.   It was of no surprise, then, that Shugaluvs was at the television this morning long before reasonable humans awake to observe the festivities… The other event she enjoyed was Derby Day. Not sure that anyone in the family knows why she did, but she did, and she did and she did— and we thank you.  Every year the discussion involved the three races that made up the Triple Crown (The Derby, Preakness and Belmont) and she could tell you about every horse from Seabiscuit to Seattle Slew...

It is no big secret that I love the Atlanta Braves. They are indeed having a wonderful season. But it comes with a cost. I’m not talking about the 2nd mortgage costs of taking a family of 4 to an actual game, I’m speaking of the unwashed. Those of us who cuss the cable bill every month because the only reason we have cable is to watch Braves baseball. Those of us who are hell bent to situate themselves in front of the Telly at game time. I’m talking about the costs of our mental well being- the anxiety, lack of sleep, the overuse of profanity, and the screaming at the television in tongues. In short, it is hell to be a Braves fan. When they lose it’s hell to pay. Can I get a witness? I totally understand that most times people (me) create their own hell. That is most certainly my case, and Shugaluvs spends a great deal of time talking me off the ledge. Regardless,I’m trying to figure out specifically what kind of hell we(me)go through watching the Braves. I have attempted to break it d...

  I’m gonna say what I’m gonna say, and I know when I say it that a lot of folks will say “You’re nuts” and I will say “And your point is?” but I will say “I said what I said” and since I’ve lived 6 decades that means I can mostly do or say what I want, when I want, and how I want, regardless of the consequences.   (Be right back I must go run some kids off my lawn).   In my opinion  (you zealots read that again) -- there is a good argument to be had supporting canned, or ‘whomp’em biscuits.   (I will pause here so some of you can regain your bladder).   To be clear, my opinion does not, in any shape form or fashion, look down upon, usurp the authority of, nor disenfranchise any party or parties thereunto, to wit--throw shade at homemade or made from scratch biscuits.   Nearly everyone I know, met, or have yet to meet has ‘the best’ biscuit recipe, and they are all correct. The recipes are proprietary to those whose ancestry dates to the beginnings of ...

  Things you can 100% depend on: Grabbing a buggy with a bad wheel at Wal-Mart. Reaching into the miniature Hershey’s candy bar bag thinking you will get a Hershey Bar but always get a Krackle.  4.3 seconds after sitting down you realize you need to get back up to go do whatever task that had gotten you out of your seat to begin with.  Whenever you say “please remind me the next time(insert whatever reminder you need here) you aren’t going to remember it nor will you be reminded-so write it down so you can say damnit I left my list on the table at home. The minute you are working on a project that requires both hands, your nose or ear will develop an intensive itch that has to be scratched immediately lest you go berserk.  Prolonged periods of laying off sweets will drive normal humans to such indescribable acts of lunacy and deceit just to get hospital jello. The tool you need is not the tool you have nor is it the tool thought you had. Go to Lowes and buy what you ...

If I Write a Book…  The first thing I should do is give it a good title. Over the years I have thought of and had suggested to me several good ones. “ I was born at a very young age”, or “George 101: a laymen’s guide to living with a perpetually kicked groin.” My book should include all my heroes and influences growing up, my love for baseball, and a bonus self-help section where I share my secrets and techniques in pursuit and capture of the opposite sex. By implementing and dispatching these techniques with great prejudice, I convinced Shugaluvs to marry me. It’s a gift, not unlike my propensity to use and even bask in four letter words. My ancestors not only invented the bad word they integrated it into the daily fabric and lifestyle of being a Fisher. Knowing when to turn it in and off is key, and If I wrote a book this would require many pages and possibly a how to video.  My old man said that the Fisher family raised hell the first half of their life and if they survived...

  Are These Seats Taken? Preface. With few exceptions,  I am normally compatible with old people. The exceptions are when it is old people day at the grocery store, where they cease being old  and start being evil, pillaging and running into and over innocent folks in order to get to the Entenmanns pastries.   Tonight we went to the Macon Bacon game. Shugaluvs and I have had season tickets since it’s inaugural season. We love it. It’s great baseball played in the greatest little ball yard you ever saw. Anyone that’s been around me for 5 minutes knows my love for the hallowed ground of Luther Williams Field.  Anyhow, Shugaluvs picked out our seats and we get the same ones each year. They’re not really our seats but they’re our seats, you know? We arrived, and did what we normally do- go through the food line, get our food and drink and head to section 205, Row B, seats 14 and 15. OUR SEATS.  As it happened, our seats, which really aren’t ours but which are s...